


Because I wouldn't have you

by trenchjoshuaa



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Bottom Alexander Hamilton, F/F, F/M, Foster Care AU, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Non-Sexual Petplay, Non-Sexual Submission, Past Jamilton, Thomas Jefferson Being an Asshole, Top John Laurens
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-01 20:02:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12711963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trenchjoshuaa/pseuds/trenchjoshuaa
Summary: Alexander Hamilton is your typical sixteen-year-old. Yet he jumps from foster home to foster home. Never being adopted or staying somewhere for more than a few months. Between fights and anxiety attacks, nightmares and never being able to shut his mouth. No family could deal with him. Until he moved to the Washington home. [Heavy Lams and some past Jamilton] [EDITING! New chapters coming soon]





	1. Chapter 1

Alexander was a troubled kid, to say the least. There is no need for further explanation at the moment. All that needed to be known were the basics. He was only sixteen years old and had already been in numerous foster homes. None of which have been that kind. If it wasn't the parents that were rude it was the kids. He could never keep his mouth shut and he knew that was the problem. He never trusted people with his past and while his social worker seems to be nice enough yet he couldn't confide in her. Never has and never will. Yet once he realized the long drive from his last home was coming to an end and not only that but they were deep in the city where all the rich folks lived with their fancy cars and large houses. Yes, multiple of them. Why would any of them want to take in foster kids? Especially ones that are damaged. His throat tightened and his hands became clammy. He felt shame and anxiety rise up his throat and threatened to spill out in pleas to go back to living on the streets. He rarely listened to who he was staying with and about them, it never lasted more than a few months.

The car came to an abrupt stop, tearing him out of his thoughts. He caught sight of a woman standing by the door, she was waiting for him. Hamilton's throat threatened to tighten. The house in front of him was fancier than any home he had ever seen with his own eyes. Three stories high and marble pillars. A porch larger than any room he had ever stayed in. From what he had gathered they kept a lot of children here. Some who are fostered or adopted. Some who are simply troubled. Alexander didn't know where he would fit in. It happened all too quickly, he was being forced out of the car with his small duffel bag in hand. It was heavy and barely held any clothes only filled with pencils and pens. Notebooks and books filled to the brim with words. He finally was able to see her up close, she was more on the pudgy side and a bit taller than him. He wasn't surprised. Alexander wasn't exactly tall for kids his age. Standing at 5'7 he was always the shortest in every home and every school he had attended. "You must be Alexander, my name is Martha Washington. The rest of our kids are at school." She spoke softly and kindly. It reminded him of his own mother too much. Luckily his new foster mother turned his attention away from him to his social worker. Ms. Ramos. He didn't hear anything they were saying as he got stuck in his own head, talking under his breath. He didn't notice that he had been ushered into the house until he heard the familiar sound of Calypso. A style of music that he would hear from the small young country he was born in. Alexander was torn between being relaxed and emotional. He always wanted to listen to it. It had been so long since he heard it. He found himself drifting away from the two in search of where the source of the music was coming from. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he jolted, fearing he'd be in trouble before his social worker even had a chance to leave. Hamilton turned around only to see a pale kid who was taller than him as well. Before he got a chance to speak the other was already filling the silence. "Bonjour, mon ami! Who are you?" he spoke with a thick French accent. "My name is Alexander Hamilton," he spoke softly. "Mon nom est Lafayette ! C'est un plaisir de vous rencontrer!" Hamilton smiled at that. "Gilbert remember! English. Not everyone can speak French!" Martha called. Lafayette seemed to pout before Hamilton responded. "C'est un plaisir de vous rencontrer Lafayette!" he responded. The Frenchmans eyes lit up. Almost as if he had never met someone who was able to speak fluently. "D'où provient cette musique ?" Hamilton asked. Lafayette didn't answer instead he grabbed his hand and pulled him up to the stairs and in the direction of a room where with every step it got louder. He could hear someone humming softly to the music. Martha came in with a sigh of relief to which John shot up and hurried to turn down the music so they could hear her talk. Alexanders face scrunched up in distaste. Yet he still sat there patiently and listened to her. "Alexander! We had no idea to where you disappeared to you! I see you have met two of our kids," She flashed a smile over to John and Lafayette before returning her attention back to Alex. "Follow me I'll take you to your room." She didn't wait for a response before she was ushering him out of the room and to a different room towards the end of the hall. "Now Alexander I've read your file and I saw that you would get into a lot of fights." She started. "Fighting is not tolerated here and we will treat you like our own kid and put you on punishment or restrictions. As well as there is a curfew unless we give you permission to not stay up late." Martha continued. Not waiting for Alexander to speak even though he wanted to butt in. After she stopped speaking which Hamilton zoned out as his mind would wander back to John and his freckled face and beautiful eyes. Alex wishes he had the courage to get up in his face and attempt to count all the freckles that would resemble stars in clear night skies over in Nevis. Before he knew it he was in a large room, yet only two beds were in there. Even though they were in a large house he expected the room to have at least many beds. He's always had to share rooms with at least three other kids so this was new. "Who am I sharing with..?" he asked quickly. Walking to the unoccupied bed. It seemed to be untouched in a while, the sheets were white with a black thick blanket for how cold it would get at night. "Oh! John Laurens stays in this room, he usually hangs out with Lafayette though to do homework." Hamilton could only nod as he set his small duffel bag down, walking around after she left and closed the door after her. Slowly but surely pulling out his writing supplies and placing them cautiously on the desk on his side, putting his few clean clothes away. He observed the room and curiosity got the best of him as he went over to see what was all over the walls on John Laurens side. There were news articles about equal rights along with post-it notes with small rants about how minorities need to be treated fairly and his ambitious plans to give them equal rights. Drawings were up there as well and Alex had to admit. He was impressed. He wanted to be that talented. The boy was torn out of his thoughts at the sound of many kids down the stairs in what he guessed was the living room. They must be returning from school. He started freezing up when he heard the familiar voice of Thomas Jefferson walking up the stairs and to his room. Knocking on the door "Laurens? Are you in there?" his southern accent was thick. Alexander saw red and he rushed to the door and practically threw it open. Glaring at him "We never finished our argument, Jefferson."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have absolutely no idea how to end on a cliffhanger


	2. Chapter 2

Thomas was taken back before returning his death glare "Well if it isn't the tomcat himself Alexander!" He spoke loudly as he looked Hamilton up and down. "Wow, would you look at that, if I didn't know any better I would've thought you had gotten shorter." "Watch your mouth, Jefferson! Just because you're this tall guy with broad shoulders doesn't mean I'm not afraid to take you down." Alexander shot back, taking a step closer to Jefferson. "You act all tall and mighty and it's infuriating! You shout at me I will shout back! You punch me I'll punch back harder!" Alex was getting worked up easily. Yet Thomas stood there seemingly calm but he could see amusement and a small bit of annoyance in his eyes all caused by the short west indie kid. "When you come to school I'll gladly put you back in your place just like every single time, no need for you to get kicked out on your first day." He laughed loudly. This argument was attracting attention from some kids he'd never seen yet. He guessed that these were some of the kids they fostered. He noticed John was in the tiny crowd. Pushing past a few girls and grabbing Hamilton's arm. Pulling him aside and into their room and shutting the door, no reason for them both to be annoyed with Jefferson so some things are better left unsaid. Alex looked at John with an exasperated expression on his face "Laurens! You need to let me go back! I can't let him get the last word in this argument." Hamilton spoke quickly to which John shushed him. "Keep your voice down Alexander, I'd rather you not get punished on your first day here. You wouldn't be able to hang out with my friends and me." Now the last part is what caught Alex's attention. "Me? Hang out with you and your friends? Why would you want me there? I talk so much! Really it'd be best to just leave me at home alone in this room." He protested. John seemed forlorn at Alexanders reaction "Hey Alexander, you're my friend now as well as my roommate. You're going to meet them either way so why not have fun while you do?" He said confidently. Alexander couldn't refuse. It made sense and he found no way he could possibly escape this and still remain friends with John. He found himself reluctantly agreeing even though he was going to be busy the whole afternoon the next day. That was stressful. He wouldn't be able to write until later when they returned home and even then he had a curfew. Yet he wanted to impress John and not show how much of a mess he was inside his head. Then a thought popped into his head. They were roommates now, in this house Laurens would know of Alexander's terrible night terrors and his panic attacks caused from them. He typically didn't make too much noise during them from what he heard in previous homes. Only crying out every so often,yet... that could be a lie. They always liked to lie to him so he could be the center of their entertainment. They enjoyed lying to him and watching him get confused and stressed to the point that he would end up sobbing from not being able to understand what had happened. What if John was tricking him? What if he was actually friends with Thomas and they decided to make him their new center of torment. Alex was abruptly lurched out of his thoughts when he felt a weight on his shoulder, he was shocked and looking up to see John looking at him with a worried expression. "Alexander, are you alright?" he asked softly. His voice always left Alexander speechless which only happened on rare occasions. It was deep and smooth; he could hear the powerful undertone even while he was speaking so gently to Alexander. It made him breathless and at a loss for words. His legs felt like they would give out every time he said his name. He searched his mind for an acceptable response to keep himself from breaking down. He settled for nodding and speaking "Just tired…" he added a soft smile at the end just to tie it all together. It wasn't exactly a lie, Hamilton was tired. Mentally tired with everything in his life and physically tired from lack of sleep. He didn't seem convinced but he still moved his hand towards Alexanders and gripped it tight before smiling. "Well come on, we're going downstairs to wait for dinner." Alexander didn't get a chance to protest, which he surely wanted to do before he was being pulled out of the room and down the stairs to the large living room where some of the children were. Including Thomas who was distracted trying to get a child to take his medicine. He could overhear part of the conversation "James come on, you need to take your medicine. We don't want you being put back in to the hospital." Thomas trailed off and continued to speak quietly. Now it was Alexanders turn to tug John towards the corner furthest away from Thomas and sat onto the too soft of a couch. He was used to concrete and wooden chairs. Not a plush couch like this. The kids in the previous homes would never allow him to sit on the couches so he wasn't surprised when he found himself getting off the couch and taking a place on the floor next to John's legs. John Laurens as well as the others looked over at Alexander. The only one who didn't seem confused or concerned by the scenario was Thomas Jefferson who used this distraction to his advantage to slip the pills into James Madison's mouth along with a glass of water and he kept a steady hand over his mouth until he had swallowed them whole. Thomas may have been Hamilton's enemy but he was usually someone who also got kicked off the couch for talking back when they'd try to insult him. He didn't have to like the guy to play cards with him it just made it much more competitive and fun. John finally cleared his throat, and everyone seemed slightly uneasy at the fact that Thomas had moved from his spot next to James and onto the floor by Hamilton with a box of Uno cards. Thomas thumped Alexander's forehead to get his attention "I bet I'll beat you within five minutes," He challenged and Alex could not afford to let Thomas win this time so they had Lafayette shuffle the cards before they got into an intense game of Uno. Complete with a lot of swearing in French that made Lafayette restless and swears to John Laurens that he would've gotten cross with Thomas for his colorful language directed towards Alexander.  
At some point during the game which had already been more than five minutes John had managed to get up, grab a sketchbook and start drawing. Without Alexander even realizing, he found this surprising. He finally won and couldn't help but yell out happily in French since that's all he had been speaking for nearly half an hour. "Vas te faire encule, Jefferson ! Je baise enfin gagné ! " Hamilton was smiling and Thomas looked at him with annoyance, he threw the small card box at Alexander but it seemed to be in a friendly manner. Thomas may be Alexanders enemy but that doesn't mean they can't play nice once in awhile. "Fermer la baise jusqu'à Alexander. Vous avez gagné seulementcette fois " Thomas had replied to him with before picking the cards up quickly and returning to his spot next to Madison. Hamilton stayed on his spot on the floor, leaning back against Laurens leg who simply patted his head in return. That made him oddly happy but not satisfied with the amount of attention. "Laurens what are you doing that keeps you from paying attention to me?" he finally turned around. Trying to get up on his knees and look over the edge of the tattered sketchbook to see what had been occupying him throughout the game. Yet before he could see the drawing John put a hand on his shoulder to coax him back to his spot on the floor right beside his legs. Smiling and ruffling his hair once before getting back to what he was doing. Thomas laughed out loud "What is this? Are you upset Alexander? Not getting enough attention from ton Cher papa ? "he laughed more towards the end and Lafayette looked at him in horror. "Thomas Jefferson ! Nous ne parlons pas de cela ! Qui devaitêtre maintenue entre nous ! " Alexander said with his face red, trying to stand up but was pulled back by Laurens and Thomas laughed even more. John looked over to Lafayette to get translation but Laf did not give him one. "Y avait-il quelque chose entre vous et Alexander ! ? Je doissavoir ! " he directed towards the other two and when they remained silent he made a mocking gagging noise. "It was only a small thing Lafayette and it was a very long time ago!" Hamilton tried to explain. Thomas butted in "We do not speak of it Alexander!" "Oh shut up! You hinted at it in the first place!" They glared at each other for what seemed an eternity. James finally spoke up "I-Is….Tommy…a-are you gay?" he asked in confusion and Alexander laughed out loud. "Do not worry me and Jefferson ended that long ago!" Now John had caught on to what was happening and he couldn't help but quickly close his sketchbook which he no longer had interest in. He Slammed it down onto the coffee table before grabbing Alexander and Lafayette up by their arms and effortlessly dragging them behind him to his and Alexanders room. "One of you will explain the rest of what was happening, now!." John sounded mad and it was starting to upset Alex. Everything was happening too fast, John was angry at him and him and Thomas had spoken of a thing they vowed to never speak of again. So Hamilton did one of the only things he seemed capable of doing, running away. He twisted his arm out of Laurens grasp and bolted out the door, not stopping there. Alexander ran out the front door into the dark nightly abyss. He didn't know where he was going and everything was so unfamiliar. It was dark and he had run so far. Then suddenly he was back on Nevis and he was a terrified bastard holding onto his brother as they searched for their mother during a hurricane. They had at least tried to, Alexander was frozen in fear as the water level began to rise and he didn't do anything when his brother suddenly ran in search of their mother. Then he was underwater, struggling to swim despite being stuck on that godforsaken island all of his life. It felt like he couldn't breathe and water was filling his lungs. Alexander was always haunted by this, they never found his baby brother. He always thought that maybe his mom blamed him for it even though she would constantly reassure him that he did nothing wrong. Yet he did. He did everything wrong, he let his brother run out of sight during the middle of a hurricane. Then everything went black and the last thing he felt was his senseless body hitting the cold hard concrete sidewalk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how do i write cliffhangers. help me. also daveed diggs as jefferson mmm fuck me up


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sad shit guys read at your own risk

John Laurens was freaking out and so was the entire household, George had finally come home from work, thrilled to meet the new foster kid, only to find the house in distress and to his surprise found out that the kid had run off. John was subjected to an intense conversation just as everyone was but this was worse. John blamed himself for it and he couldn't help but cry and hold onto his foster father tightly. He Sobbed and tried to explain what had just occurred. Everything. The Uno game and the French, leaving out the part of references implying a small thing that had happened between the two self-profound enemies. All the Laurens wanted to know was what was said in French that Lafayette was too flustered to repeat and how it was all his fault that the new kid ran away crying. Since that conversation he was put under suicide watch. The kids took turns watching him while George and Martha left to attempt to find him. Before coming to this home he had a history of depression and attempted suicides due to his self esteem being in such a low place after he had been abused by his father for so long. Trying to silence him about his love for boys. Sending him to conversion therapy for so long. It took so long for John to become confident in who he was after being taken away. Now he was breaking down, he hadn't meant to hurt Alexander yet now he was scared they would send him back to the hospital. It helped but it was away from home and he couldn't go back there after being stable for so long. At some point during the night it was Thomas's turn to come in and watch him, he came bearing gifts. Coffee and cookies, a different sketchbook meant for these episodes and something he had stolen from Alexanders room just for him. He sat down the coffee and cookies in front of him on the coffee table. He placed the bear and sketchbook next to him along with crayons. He wasn't allowed to have anything that might harm him which included pencils and pens even markers. Laurens shook his head and couldn't even look up at the man he despised at the moment. "So w-what happened..? B-Between you and Alex..?" a small voice came out that he quickly realized to be his own. "It was a small thing, really. No romantic attachments. Simply sex a few times but that's unimportant. I saw your confusion as to why Hamilton chose a seat on the floor instead of the couch." He pointed out. Taking John's silence as permission to continue. "In the home we were in together the kids were terrible, we were the smartest ones there and they were all intimidated. I tried to tell Alexander that but he insisted it was because he simply talked too much, and he ended up forcing himself to keep quiet for weeks. The first few weeks we both tried to sit on the couches and chairs but they kept kicking us to the floor or to the most uncomfortable wooden chair. So we'd play cards with each other and then one day we got into an argument. We had been having sex a few times and I was worried we'd get caught and treated even worse and we didn't end on a good note. The argument never got resolved as my social worker had come to collect me and brought me here" Jefferson went on. Clearing his throat "Don't blame yourself completely, I should've ran after him since I'm the only damn person in this house who knows how to calm him." He went on and on. Finally John spoke in order to break the silence that had fallen over them. "Will he be okay?" was all he said. "There is no way to know, he doesn't have destinations. He just runs until he can't run anymore and it depends on his panic attack. If it was only breathing quick or if he stopped breathing completely during it-" that's when John cut him off by growling and standing up to pace around. "No don't say that. If he stops breathing he could die and that doesn't help at the moment." He snapped at Thomas. His hands were clenched and he gazed out the window. "Why aren't they back yet…it's been hours.." he mumbled to himself over and over again. Thomas shot up when his phone rang and he saw Georges car pull up at the driveway. "Angelica!" he yelled up the stairs. Waiting for her to come back down. "Stay down here with him, I'm going to the hospital with George to see Hamilton." John Laurens shot up at the mention of him. "What?! Why you? Why can't I go!" He yelled to which Angelica rushed to attempt to calm him. Jefferson couldn't help but respond with yelling. "You're not allowed to leave the house on suicide watch that's why!" he said before sliding on his jacket and running out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been edited!

Alexander woke up to the sounds of people talking and blinding lights, the sound of the machines caused his breathing to quicken and his eyes to shoot open. He was greeted by a tall man with greying hair alongside Thomas Jefferson who was quietly conversing with the presumed to be doctor . He could barely hear them with nurses and doctors talking all around him but he did pick up a few words. Mostly ‘needs to go back..’ and he thought they were talking about him before he heard Thomas say “Laurens is a mess, I don’t know if Angelica can keep him away from the kitchen, if he tries to use force..” Hamilton began swatting at the doctors. He didn’t want them to lay a hand on him, all the commotion caused Jefferson and the man to quickly enter the room. It took nearly an hour for the doctor to manage to get a sedative into Alexander that kept him from lashing out. “J-John..” he mumbled to Thomas. Looking over to the other man in a confused manner to which he shot up. “My name is George Washington, I’m the husband of Martha.” He said. Georges voice kind of scared him, it was gentle yet commanding and deep. Which reminded him of John. “W-Where’s Laurens..? Is he okay?” he asked softly. Alexander was hoping maybe John would be there to see him when he woke up yet that dream was diminished by the conversation he overheard. “He is at the house, while on suicide watch they are not allowed to leave the house or the living room.” George explained in hopes to ease Hamilton’s mind yet it did quite the opposite. Did Alexander cause that? “I don’t want to be here, I want to go to the house.” He said quickly trying to jolt out of bed. Thomas had to forcefully push his shoulders down. “Just sleep, by the time you wake up we’ll be there,” he explained. It took a few minutes but he finally was able to convince him to lie down and sleep. Having to talk in French to get him to relax, he patted his head until the medicine finally made him pass out and go limp. It was hours before John saw George's car pull up and he was finally calming down after a short nap, he felt annoyed and ticked at the fact that when he finally saw Alexander come out of the car Jefferson was carrying him. Yet Thomas didn’t seem happy about it either. John leaped off of the couch and to the front door as soon as they came in, questioning him about what had happened to him while he was carried to his bed. He made a deal with him that he wouldn't go to the hospital as long as he always kept the door to their room open if he was alone. John was sitting on his own bed when Alexander woke up, his headphones blasting music as he was drawing. Stealing glances towards Alex every so often and was startled when he glanced over and found him struggling to sit up. Throwing off his headphones and rushing over to his side to aid him, “Alexander, I am so so sorry. I didn’t mean to sound angry or make you run off, I just wanted to know what was said in French that was making you so upset. I don’t want you to ever be upset.” He attempted to explain. Alexander simply looked up at him tiredly before clearing his throat and attempting to talk “I-It’s okay…are you alright?” he changed the subject over to speaking about John. John awkwardly laughed “Me? I’m fine why do you ask...?” he asked him. Reaching a hand up to brush away the stray hairs from Alexanders face before pulling it away quickly. He was stopped by his tan hand grasping Johns and pulling it back up to rest upon his cheek. “George told me you were on suicide watch…I’m so sorry I caused that to happen.” Alexander responded. His eyes downcast and John broke a little on the inside, shushing him and shaking his head. “No, my dear Alexander it is not your fault at all. Can you believe it was Jefferson who comforted me?” he laughed softly and rubbed his thumb over the soft skin of Alexanders cheek. “Really? What did he say?” Alexander was suddenly nervous, then John Laurens continued, just as nervous as him. “He told me about how it wasn’t completely my fault since he didn’t try to run after you when he knows how to help you. He also told me about you guys having sex and I’m sorry to say but I think that made me fucking angry. I never would’ve thought you two!” he laughed more. John felt Alexanders cheeks become hot under his hand and saw the red tint become slightly visible on his tan cheeks. “I sure hope that didn’t keep you from pursuing a romantic relationship with me.” It was Alexanders turn to laugh awkwardly and with a bit of nervous undertone. John was shocked by his words but he smiled fondly at him and shook his head. “No, my Alexander, I think it makes me want you more. I have no fucking clue if Jefferson deep down still wants to lay a hand on you and I sure as hell am not letting him get anywhere near what I would like to make mine.” John stumbled on his words a bit. Trying to impress Alexander in a way that would keep him with John if Jefferson ever showed even an ounce of interest in the boy. Alexander smirked slightly with a soft laugh before launching himself forward and kissing Johns lips.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally, everything from this point is probably unedited unless said otherwise. Plus I know Lams is kissing kinda fast, trust me I have a huge plan in my head. It's leading up to something huge.

John took a moment to register what was happening before grabbing Alexander by the hair and holding him there as he kissed back furiously. Whining softly in annoyance when he pulled away but he had quite a good reason, Thomas was at the door holding two plates of food with one of his eyebrows raised. Trying to hold back a laugh when John got a look on his face and gripped Alexanders hair a bit tighter to which he hissed softly. "I have brought you two food," he set it on the desk before looking back over to them. "Laurens if you want him to settle down just pull his hair and he'll shut up." He said before starting to walk out, closing their door on his way. Now John was slightly angry and climbed onto the bed next to Alexander. Pulling him tight against his chest and petting at his hair "I'm sorry if I gripped your hair too tight little lion.." Alexander laughed "No it's quite okay it's been gripped harder before. Where did little lion come from?" He hummed softly before gasping in surprise when John tugged at it slightly while trying to hold back a laugh. "The kids take turns to watch me so when it was Lafayette's turn and I was crying he comforted me by making jokes and calling you petit lion which made me laugh so hard because I knew you would automatically start arguing because of it." "Me arguing amuses you?" "So far yes but also no. If you got into a fight I don't think I can keep myself calm long enough not to join in." John shot back at him and Alexander made a noise in amusement "When do I get to start school?" he mumbled softly to John. Tracing patterns on his clothed chest with his fingertip. John hummed in response "You should be able to go tomorrow even though it's a Friday. I'll kick Lafayette out of my seat on the bus for you." He offered to which Alexander laughed. "We can discuss details later but shouldn't we eat before our food gets cold?" He managed to squirm out of Johns' arms and walked over to where Thomas put their plates, handing John his before sitting back down on the bed. "I can't believe they let Thomas stay home." Alexander shook his head in distaste "Well it makes sense, he always stays home when James can't go to school since he's sick." John said casually as he started to eat, watching Alexander in amusement as he laughed. "He does have a way with words if anyone can get someone to take medicine it would be him. At the hospital when I woke up I was about to have a panic attack again because they were talking about sending you somewhere and I really felt bad so he had to basically hold me down and talk to me while the nurses put something into my IV." His face scrunched up in disgust. "I hate losing to him." He finished and took small bites of his food before setting the plate aside. "First of all, I know about the hospital thing. I made a deal with them that when you're sleeping or I'm alone in the room I have to have the door open and always have to be watched. Second of all, eat your food Alex. Don't make me have to force feed you." He threatened and waited for him to hesitantly take another bite of food before eating himself. "My dear Laurens you underestimate the capacity of my stomach, also I fucking hate Thomas' mac n cheese. Look at this shit! I might as well make my own food." He scrunched up his face and slipped off the bed. Running out the door and down to the kitchen, John hurried to get up and run after him. It was only moments later of John trying to distract him before John got sent upstairs to wait for him and Alexander soon joined him. "What time is it?" he asked John to which he pulled out his phone to check. "3:10 pm. Why?" and Alex gasped softly "I slept all day!" John laughed at that and nodded "Yeah and so did I, I have therapy in a few minutes shit." He scrambled to put on his shoes before heading for the door. "Try not to do anything stupid while I'm gone little lion!" "How can I do anything stupid when you're taking all of it with you!" Alexander shot back and laughed, John turned around and rushed forward to hug him and kiss his lips. "I'll see you soon." He mumbled before running out the door and down the stairs. Apologizing to Martha for being late as soon as he got outside. Then it was quiet except for the distant talking and laughing and coughing of Thomas with who he assumed to be James before it got interrupted by the kids coming home. Alexander rushed down to greet them, smiling at Lafayette who grabbed him and pulled him into a death grip of a hug. There was a group of girls who kept staring at him, at least two of them were. "Who are they?" he mumbled. "Oh mon ami! Let me introduce you to everyone!" He grabbed Alexanders arm and stood on the table in the living room, coughing to get everyone's attention. "Introduce yourself to Alexander.." he stumbled on his words. Clearly not thinking this through before stepping off the table with a face red from embarrassment. That's when the three girls approached him "My name is Angelica Schuyler, these are my sisters. Eliza and Peggy." She motioned towards them as she said their names. Alexander smiled at them and held out his hand for all of them to shake. "It is a pleasure to meet you, my name is Alexander Hamilton. And there's a million things I haven't done!" He laughed at the end before turning around to walk off to where Lafayette was calling for him. Peggy looked up at her two older sisters and she could see them both swooning, Eliza grabbed Angelicas arm. "He's mine." She laughed breathlessly. Angelica pouted but pulled away her arm, moving to follow the sound of voices originating from the top of the stairs. The fight broke out an hour later when Thomas Jefferson came falling down the stairs and Alexander jumping over him. Everyone came out of their rooms at the commotion "He pushed me down the fucking stairs!" Thomas yelled at Alexander who laughed and ran out the door and stood in the driveway where he was sure Thomas wouldn't pick a fight. Thomas growled and ran after him, pushing him to the ground.


	6. Chapter 6

Alexander coughed slightly and growled, kicking at Thomas' legs so he fell to the ground. Scrambling up to his feet "You asked for it! You should've knocked first!" Thomas followed him by getting onto his feet "How was I supposed to know you were getting changed?! I was just trying to find my fucking pencil Laurens took!" He yelled back at him. Alexander curled his hand into a fist and punched at Thomas' jaw, "You would've thought that being raised in the south would've taught you some human decency!" he yelled as Thomas got knocked to the ground from the punch. Kids were making their way out of the house by this time and Lafayette was the last one out. Trying to see what was happening. There was no way Thomas would hit him no way. That was false. Thomas got up onto his feet and growled before punching Alexander hard in the face. So hard that he fell back to the ground and skidded slightly. Yet he still got up, a few punches later and mostly Alexander getting bruised Lafayette managed to push through the kids who crowded the small door frame and push them away. "Stop it! George and Martha could come home at any minute!" He attempted to hold Alexander, but he pushed him away. "Fine! Thomas when we get to school tomorrow me, and you are finishing this behind the school." "You're on!" and with that they were both being dragged back inside. Running up the stairs to their respectful rooms as the avoid being seen with bruised faces. There were small blood spots on the dive way but neither of the parents noticed it and John didn't say anything about it. Giving them a smile before excusing himself and running up the stairs. Stopping when he saw a few bits of blood in front of his door and bending down to wipe it away before storming into the room and closing the door. Gasping at what he saw, his Alexander sitting there with bruises and blood coming from his lip and nose. Lafayette stood up and Alexander was frowning "John tell this man that I am alright enough to not go to the hospital and am able to fight Thomas again tomorrow?" "Laurens tell him he is not well! Please!" Lafayette argued with an exasperated expression and John stood there for a moment before going over to the bathroom to grab the med kit. "Lafayette can you leave the room?" he asked as he walked over to Alexander. Every bathroom in the house had a medical kit for injuries that were too bad to leave alone but not bad enough to go to the hospital. One he was gone he sat next to Alexander and sighed "Why the fuck did Thomas hit you?" he asked. His anger not directed towards Alexander but towards Thomas which he made sure to make clear by pressing soft kisses to his bruised cheeks before starting to attempt to get the blood to stop flowing from his nose while observing everywhere else. He pulled out his phone and flashed the flashlight into his eyes before looking at them. Observing him. "Did you throw up on yourself?" he said as he looked at his shirt to which Alexander simply nodded "I think he might be right, you need to get to a doctor. I'll go tell them." He started to stand up but Alexander grabbed his arm and shook his head. "N-No John! W-What if they kick me out? I-I'll be okay! I pushed him down the s-stairs so I started it." John shook his head and kissed at his head. "I'll be back little lion.." he pulled away and walked back out into the hall. Stopping Thomas "Instead of Alexander fighting you tomorrow you'll be fighting me. For hurting him." He hissed before pushing past him maybe a bit too aggressively. "Martha, George. We need to take Alex to the hospital. I think he might have a concussion." He said and they stopped talking immediately. "Why do you think that?" "Thomas and Alexander got into a fight right before we got home apparently. Please don't send him away, he likes it here. He didn't want me to tell you because he doesn't want to leave and be put into another home where they would abuse him again." He begged them before finally answering his question. "He's stuttering and stumbling over his words, his pupils won't respond to light and he puked. He could be puking right now." John finished, George sighed. "I'll go get the car ready, can you carry him down, John? You can come too if you want." John nodded quickly and ran back up the stairs, rushing to the bathroom when he didn't catch sight of him on the bed. Letting out a sad sigh as he looked at him laying by the toilet he had just thrown up into. "Come on petit lion, we're going to the doctor." Alexander only grunted in response. John frowned and leaned down to bundle him up in his arms, grabbing the small comfort animal and blanket off Alexanders bed before joining George downstairs. While Alexander was slightly out of it he still didn't want to go to the hospital. Attempting to squirm out Johns grasp and only stopping when the throbbing in head got worse. John mumbled to him as he put him into the car, following him into it and putting on the child lock on Alexanders door before buckling him in and sitting in the seat next to him. They lived near the hospital on purpose, taking in tons of foster kids that might need emergency attention was a risk for where they previously lived. So, while it was only a short time of driving it seemed like eternity for John, his heartbreaking every time Alexander would make a noise in pain but he was too scared to reach out a hand and touch him soothingly because he feared that if he laid a hand on his beautiful head that he wouldn't be able to let go. Finally, they arrived, John carrying him inside and sitting in one of the many chairs with him in his lap. Wrapping him up in the blanket and putting the comfort animal into his arms and just holding him close to his chest. Pressing soft kisses and mumbling comforting things to Alexander while George filled out the sheet for pediatrics and returning. Gently moving one of Alexanders arms so he could put the bracelet onto him. "Come on they need to get his weight and everything." He led them to the triage and the whole process took hours. While they were in the room they had to run a lot of tests and they nearly wouldn't allow John back in after going to get himself food. Finally, he had to call George to bring him back. He felt that they would've been waiting longer if George hadn't been a big political figure in the state and for once he was grateful for his position in that. Yet they wanted to keep him overnight which meant John wouldn't be able to stay since he was a minor. It was a minor concussion, yet it was the intense pain levels that worried them. So, they wanted at least one night for observation, see if it was his anxiety elevating the pain levels. John managed to convince George to let him say bye once he was in his actual hospital room. It was much quieter there, he leant down and pressed a small kiss to Alexanders head before mumbling. "See you soon petit lion" he spoke softly before finally letting Martha pick him up. "You might want to stay home since school starts in a few hours." She motioned to the clock in the car and he shook his head "No I'm going to school, I have a lot of work to do." He lied and luckily, she didn't insist, his fist clenched and unclenched as he got worked up just thinking about Thomas. How dare he do that? He wasn't one to ask questions first and he was sure if Alexander knew what he was going to do he would attempt to stop him from practically pummeling Jefferson into the ground. Yet his mind was made, he walked up the stairs to his room without saying a word, pulling out his sketchbook and pencils as he started drawing. Catching sight of the small drawing he made of Alexander smiling, grabbing it and carefully folding it as he put it into his coat pocket. For the first time since he left his dads house he was drawing something violent to get most of his frustrations out before he would punch a hole in the wall. After hours of drawing his anger only rose as the image of a bloodied Alexander haunted his mind, what if it was worse. What if there was more blood. By the time they were at school he pulled Lafayette aside, his tight grip to which he mumbled an apology for. "We're going to do this like an old-fashioned duel we learned about in history. You're going to be my second and if you can't make a peace then you pick a time and place." John explained and Lafayette slowly caught on "You're going to fight him?" he asked in disbelief. John rarely got into fights so when he did it was shocking that something got him so riled up to the point where he can't control himself. So Lafayette followed the instructions, pulling aside Jefferson and James to explain what was happening. Thomas agreed immediately, "No need for seconds discussing a peace. He pushed me down the stairs I will not apologize since he provoked me." He spoke and then left James and Lafayette to discuss and they finally settled upon lunch behind the bleachers at the football field. Now John was more angered yet delighted that Thomas had refused to apologize, he made sure to go to the weight room for his gym class before lunch. Punching at the punch back with only hand wraps on to get most of his anger out, he wanted to hurt the guy not kill him. Yet he didn't know if he could stop hitting with this much anger that was in him. He left his black hand wraps on as he grabbed his bag and left for lunch, he knew from past experience never to eat right before a fight and it seemed Thomas knew that too. When he arrived he could see Lafayette waiting nervously next to the other two, approaching John "Mon ami, maybe you should not do this. Alexander will not be happy." He tried to tell him but John didn't budge. When he made a decision he stuck by it no matter the threat, "He doesn't have to know, right Thomas?" he directed the last part towards Jefferson. "I will not tell if you do not." He pointed towards the 'seconds' to which James quickly nodded. Lafayette was hesitant to agree but after a little convincing he finally nodded his head with a soft mumble "No one will know." It was just like an old-fashioned duel, they got into position with their backs facing each other and after they count to ten is when they turned around and John threw the first punch, landing straight on Thomas' jaw and he couldn't help but smile when he got knocked back slightly yet his victory was short lived when he earned a hard punch to the stomach. Coughing slightly as he tried to recover quickly, Thomas' was tougher than it seemed. Thomas relaxed slightly when no punch came immediately "Already giving up Laurens? Don't you need to protect your precious boy-" he didn't get to finish before John was seeing red and slamming his fist into Thomas' face before yanking him down and kneeing him in the stomach. He didn't stop there, continuing to punch at him until he finally got kicked away. Lafayette and James stepped in "This is ending now, are you satisfied now?" Lafayette said with annoyance lacing his words. "Yeah I am." He looked over to Jefferson who wasn't doing too well but he nodded as well. "I'm satisfied."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh more angst cause that seems to be the only thing I can write

They got small Maria Reynolds to handle dressing their wounds, wrapping Johns knuckles in bandages to hide the bruises from when his hand wraps got loosened and slipped slightly to expose some of his hand. Thomas’ bruises were sure to appear and Maria said she would get him foundation to help him hide them from their foster parents as well as John. They both waited anxiously for her to return from the store during the last class, so when they spotted her running towards the front of the school with a bag they both jumped up from the bench seat. “W-We got to hide somewhere, administrators saw me..” she said before running off in some random direction which probably led to one of her many hiding spots. She typically skipped classes to hide away with her books and whoever she happened to be dating at the time. The finally arrived in the woods not too far away with a path to the football field to quickly get to the buses. First up was Thomas, she did it on his hand first to show him how it was done before starting on part of his face and allowing him to continue with a small mirror. She repeated the process with John and let him start with his knuckles before handing him another mirror to let him try. John wasn’t satisfied with how he looked with foundation, most of his freckles were dimmed and seemed to disappear but no one would notice if they didn’t get up in his face but his only concern was Alexander. As long as he could keep him distracted and mostly behind him it should be okay. By the time they were on the bus with their items stored away each kid in the foster home was made to promise not to tell anyone else. Not the parents, not their friends, not even Alexander. No one outside of them, now it was up to them to hold up their end of the bargain. Alexander had been awake most of the day, talking to psychiatrists the whole time and his pain had subsided after being constantly assured that he was going home and the doctors putting atarax into his IV. With a prescription in Georges' hand they were leaving by six AM the next morning and now he’d have to wait until Monday to be able to go to school but the medicine seemed to keep his mind mostly at ease. It wasn’t an everyday thing, not even a go to. It was for in cases of emergency and George made sure to lock it away with the rest of the prescription medication before sending him to bed, Alexander tiredly and weakly walked his way up to his room and opened the door quietly. Expecting John to be asleep yet there he was, headphones blaring music to the point Alexander could hear it and a sketchbook in his hands. This was the first time he got to see something he was drawing, yet to his disappointment, it was still blank. He slowly but surely moved so he was sitting on the bed, tapping at his forehead which in turn caused John to snap up and instinctively grabbed at the wrist to direct the hand away from him in a defensive stance. He had bags under his eyes and it took him a moment of staring at the exhausted Alexander before loosening his grip slightly and yanking the other close to his chest. Mumbling softly to him “You had me so worried, my petit lion..” he mumbled and Alexander grunted in response. “I’m not that little..” he whispered to him but still gave into Johns surprisingly warm embrace. After a few moments, he reluctantly pulled away, grabbing his comfort animal and tucking it under his arm. He seemed relaxed as he threw the blanket that he had brought back with him in the general direction of his own yet as soon as there was a clap of thunder he froze with a soft whimper. Slowly but surely lowering himself so he was laying down next to John Laurens the best he could in the small twin bed, curling into a ball against the wall. John didn’t seem to realize over his music, jolting when Alexander screamed out and had somehow become a sobbing mess in the short time he wasn’t looking. He tried to catch the words he was mumbling as he quickly threw his pencils and book out of his lap to grab Alexander by his hips and lift him into his lap. “I-I’m sorry…I t-tried to find him…i-its my fault..” he mumbled to himself over and over while his hands started gripping and tugging at his hair while he was sobbing. Soon hands were clasping over his own, he looked up to see John prying his hands away from his hair and instead gripping them tightly. He sobbed even louder, he felt so fucking useless and helpless. Would John still be interested in Alexander after seeing him break down over a storm? John listened as there were more words spilling out from his mouth. “I’m so s-sorry momma…h-he’s dead…i-I’m so fucking worthless..” he sobbed more and John pulled him close to his chest. Wrapping his arms around him tightly as he held him, shooing away Lafayette who had appeared in the doorway with a concerned expression. John shifted the best he could without Alexander freaking out more to grab his phone so he could start playing Calypso in an attempt to calm him. It seemed to work at first, he was quiet yet he realized soon that it wasn’t him being calm. He went into that state of panic again, his breathing stopped. John panicked and shook his head, moving Alexander onto his back before calling for Lafayette. “I need you to wake up George, while I give him CPR. Go!” he yelled out. Most likely causing others to wake up but he didn’t care, going over the steps in his head. He went over the steps in his head, the voice of his dead ringing in his head. ‘Push hard, push fast. Place your hands, one on top of the other, in the middle of the chest. Use your body weight to help you administer compressions that are at least 2 inches deep and delivered at a rate of at least 100 compressions per minute.’ He ripped open Alexanders shirt and placed his hands in the middle of his chest, taking a deep breath before using all his strength and weight to administer the compressions. Counting them under his breath, ‘Deliver rescue breaths. With the person's head tilted back slightly and the chin lifted, pinch the nose shut and place your mouth over the person's mouth to make a complete seal. Blow into the person's mouth to make the chest rise. Deliver two rescue breaths, then continue compressions. Remember John, If the chest does not rise with the initial rescue breath, re-tilt the head before delivering the second breath. If the chest doesn't rise with the second breath, the person may be choking. After each subsequent set of 100 chest compressions, and before attempting breaths, look for an object and, if seen, remove it.’ John bit his lip before leaning down with one hand under his chin to keep it titled up. Continue his compressions and then finally after repeating this process with George ready to call 911 if needed Alexander finally coughed and groaned. John gasped in relief and grabbed him to pull him close to his chest “Alexander oh my god are you alright?” he immediately reached over to turn on a different song to drown out the sounds of the storm. Mumbling to him and rubbing his back as he waited for him to recover. John propped his chin up on Alexanders head as he rocked him back and forth like a child, putting the comfort animal in his lap but he paid no attention to the stuffed animal except for one hand gripping it. His other arm wrapped around Johns torso as he laid limp against him. John looked over to George before speaking lowly “Thank you George, sorry to wake you. I think we’ll be okay now.” “It is quite alright, I’m glad you did. You handled it wonderfully son I’m proud of you.” He responded before going back to bed. There was more sound of footsteps and Thomas arrived with Lafayette tailing behind him, for the first time in a few days he didn’t get immediately angry at the sight of him. Only shaking his head and holding up one finger to tell them to hold on a minute. John continued to rock him back and forth until he was confident he had managed to fall asleep before beckoning them in. Thomas rushed in and looked at him “What happened?” he whispered. He already expressed that he felt guilty for the fight with Alexander but he wasn’t going to apologize for it, it wasn’t that he cared for him it was more of he had to watch things happen to James so he knew what it was like to watch the person you care for seem to be beyond your help. John spilled, nearly crying as he sniffled. Pressing a soft kiss to Alexanders head before speaking more “I-It was heartbreaking to watch, I just wanted to calm h-him down…I-I heard my dad’s voice i-in my head…for once it helped. I-It wasn’t something bad he said about m-me it was him t-talking about CPR..what I need to do..” he mumbled. Getting more tired as he continued to talk, “Go away..I need to sleep..” he mumbled. Looking as if he was ready to physically kick them out if it wasn’t for the boy that was clinging to him after a little bit of convincing they managed to get out of the room without being murdered. John shifted slightly and carefully picked up Alexander, scowling at how skinny and light he felt. Now it was going to become Johns new mission to get him to eat and actually take care of himself. Getting them both under the blankets with some struggle, Alexander has such a death grip on him and it was a shock that he managed to do it. Yet he did it and with another kiss to Alexanders head he mumbled “Goodnight Lexi..” he couldn’t help but smile at the nickname he came up with. He was sure that Alexander would protest. He laid there before sleep finally caught up with him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, this took a while to write since I've been adjusting to a medicine change. Hopefully I'll be writing a lot more soon.

It was a quiet morning for once since Alexander got here, his time here had gotten off to a bad start but John was determined to make it better for him. Only getting a few hours of sleep before his quiet alarm woke him up, quickly shutting it off and gently untangling himself from the sheets and Alexanders hold onto him. John ended up having to kick away Lafayette and Hercules, who stayed over the previous night, from the food he was making. He was trying to keep them quiet as well as keep himself from laughing too much but nonetheless Thomas came down with a tired expression but still kept his foundation on, just like John did right before going down the stairs. "John you might want to get the thing off your desk before Alexander wakes up, he typically only sleeps a few hours unless knocked out." He pointed out as he grabbed leftover Mac n Cheese and popped it into the microwave, Hercules perked up. "First of all, Alexander? The new kid? How does Thomas know him? Second, I can put it up." Thomas laughed softly and shook his head "I was with him in another home a few homes ago, I slept with him a lot." Johns grip visibly tightened but soon relaxed, turning to Lafayette. "You take over for me I'm going to go clean up my desk." He spoke before rushing up the stairs, letting out a sigh of relief he didn't even know he was holding to see Alexander still in bed. Clutching his comfort animal tightly, it was rather adorable. John stole glances back over to him every so often as he tidied up, hiding the makeup supplies in a drawer in the very back. The rest of the drawer filled to the brim with art supplies, so it wouldn't be that easy to find it. Once he was satisfied with what he had done he walked over to Alexander, grunting as he leaned down to pick him up. Not yet wanting him to wake up but wanted Hercules to at least see the kid instead of barging in and scaring Alexander as soon as he woke up. There was a lot of noise coming from the kitchen and he easily started getting annoyed, setting Alexander down on the couch before going back to the kitchen to see Hercules begging Thomas to tell him about his sex life with Alexander. "Does he have any kinks? Come on spill!" Thomas only shook his head "I'm not going to talk about my damn sex life!" and John laughed. "Then can you tell me? Just answer what Hercules said with a yes or no." He said, suddenly intrigued. "Fine, yes he does. Quite a few and we experimented a bit but that's all I'm saying. It's weird to talk about this." He grumbled and looked over to Lafayette who was putting the food onto the plate for Alexander. Thomas watched for a minute before shrugging and continuing the eat from his bowl of mac n cheese. John smiled gratefully and walked over to him "Thanks Laf, I'll go wake him up. Come on Herc you wanted to meet him," he waited a few moments for Lafayette to make sure everything was positioned perfectly and in decent portions before handing the plate to John and following behind him with Hercules beside him. Now for the insane process of attempting to wake him up, he set the plate on the table and kneeled next to the couch. Leaning down and kissing at Alexanders cheek and shaking his shoulder gently to wake him up and Hercules furrowed his brow. "Why are you being so gentle? Isn't he with Thomas?" and John glared at him. "No he isn't mon ami, that was in the past. He and John are unofficial." Lafayette mumbled to Hercules, John smiled softly when Alexander made a noise like a grunt before letting his eyes open. Smiling softly and leaned up to kiss Johns lips to which he happily recuperated before Hercules gasped and moved to kneel next to Alexander, practically pushing John away. This ended up scaring Alexander, whimpering and looking up to see Lafayette with a look of annoyance and John had one too. "You must be Alexander! Hi! My name is Hercules Mulligan!" he spoke loud and fast. Alexander still looked to John to find out what was happening. "Herc move, you're scaring him." He kicked at Hercules' leg until he got up, assuming his place right back next to the couch. "This is me and Lafayette's friend, remember I told you about him?" Alex slowly nodded before speaking "The one who-" and he got caught off by Hercules. Again. "Oh my god! Your voice is so cute!" John looked at him weirdly and so did Lafayette. Alexander just blinked before frowning "You're high." Is all he said to him before turning to clamber off the couch and instead sit on the floor next to John. "You sit on the couch Laurens, I want to sit on the floor." And John looked taken back by the request yet finally did it after a few moments of awkward silence when Hercules finally talked again. "That's…kinky." The two flushed red, Alexander squeaking and hiding his face away in John's and John simply stared at Hercules in surprise. Lafayette held a hand over his own mouth to keep himself from laughing "Herc! You don't just..say something like that!" his brows were furrowed as his hands threw up in a frustrated manner before Alexander practically forced one of Johns hands into his own hair to attempt to get him to calm down. John immediately started to pet at Alexanders hair, his hands running through it and struggling for a minute to get his hair out of the ponytail before running his hands through it to which Alexander made a soft happy noise in the back of his throat, as well as John, seemed to visibly relax, mumbling to Alexander before talking to the others. "Uh Thomas explained this to me, they were in a home together and being the smartest ones in the home they were often kicked off the couches and things by the other kids and while it didn't continue for Jefferson it continued for Alexander so he is just much more comfortable on the floor or hard wooden chairs." He spoke, keeping Alexander calm and himself calm by continuing to pet him, a whine escaping Alexander when John suddenly stopped. Moving his head up to look at him with a pout before looking between John and the others whom he forgot was even there. "Oh god, I-I'm sorry! I didn't fully realize you were here!" he stood up quickly, extending a hand out for Hercules to shake and smiling at him. Hercules smiled back and took his hand firmly and shook it, Alexander pulled his hand back with a hiss. "Ow fuck.." he mumbled and massaged at his hand. "Are you okay? Did I hurt your hand?" Hercules asked and seemed sad at the fact and Alexander quickly shook his head. "No no it's from the fight," he shook his head to dismiss the fact that Hercules grip did hurt quite a lot and he looked confused at the response "I thought you weren't there when it-" "Hercules you're thinking of a different one, we've all seen our fair share of fights to get them mixed up." John interrupted him, glaring slightly at him to get his point across. Lafayette ended confiding into Hercules about it and John wasn't exactly happy about that but they trusted him. Alexander looked confused and looked between them "No nuh uh, something happened. Tell me what happened." He looked concerned before examining John's face. "Your freckles, where are they?" he asked him, his brows furrowed as he examined him. John shook his head, pulling Alexander into his lap and trying to keep Alexanders hands away from his cheeks so he wouldn't rub off the makeup. "Little lion it's okay, I'll explain later." "No I want to know know now." He whined to him, leaning his head back into Johns shoulder. John had Alexanders hands held tightly in one of his own, grabbing onto his wrists and the other seemed to just give in but his words said another thing. "What is happening? I come back from the hospital and you avoid me touching your face then this guy is scaring me and you're cooking for me. What's happening?" he pleaded with John before looking at Lafayette. "Come on guys please.." he begged and finally John mumbled. "I got into a fight.." he sighed softly and Alexander shot up from his spot, tearing his hands away from John. "What? Come with me." He ran a hand through his own hair and rushed up the stairs and finally John trailed behind him and into the bathroom. Alexander was sniffling softly and John shook his head "It's okay darling, it's not that bad." He rushed to the sink to attempt to wash the makeup from his face but his freckles were partly hidden by bruises and his black eye. It hurt like hell at first but with pain medicine pumped into it he could barely feel a damn thing. Alexander looked at him before breaking down, keeping his head down as he wrapped his arms tightly around Johns torso and he was taken back. Running a hand through his hair as he tried to calm him down, finally he pulled away. "Who did you fight?" he asked, wiping at his eyes before staring right at him. "It doesn't matter, are you alright?" "No it does matter, who did you fight?" he asked again. John ran a hand through his hair and grabbed one of his large hair ties from the bathroom counter before tying up his hair. "If I answer this will you answer one of my questions?" Alexander paused after John said that, thinking for a moment before hesitantly nodding. "We are learning history in class and one of the things is an old-fashioned duel so I challenged Thomas to one with seconds and all, he agreed and trust me darling he is in worse shape than me. Now did Hercules actually hurt your hand?" he asked him and Alexander sighed as he rubbed at his hand before nodding "Yeah he did, his grip was so tight and I'm so tiny. It's a wonder he didn't break it." He tried to crack a smile but he failed ultimately, a frown gracing his lips instead. John tilted his head slightly as he looked at him, slowly pulling Alexanders hand up to his face to inspect it before pressing small kisses all over his hand. His other arm was sneaking around Alexanders waist to press him impossibly closer, holding onto him gently as if he was made of glass. A beautiful porcelain doll is what he was to Laurens, terrifying yet defying all odds and being impossibly cute at the same time. His gaze drifted to meet Alexanders own. His eyes were like a hurricane, it was impossible not to be swept away by the roaring tides. There was so much hurt in them, so much pain dulled the light in them. He hated that, why couldn’t he take away all that pain from his sweet lion at least for a few moments. Give him at least a few moments of pure innocence and happiness, he could see that too. Every so often he would see a sparkle of innocence return to his eyes before it disappeared as quickly as it came. He wished he had that innocence himself. John shivered and closed as his eyes as a memory came to the forefront of his mind, it was the first and last time he ever expressed his love for men. “There is the devil inside of you boy! How dare you bring that into this house!! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!” his father yelled, pushing himself out of his seat as he approached the then nine-year-old John Laurens. There was a loud crack followed by a cry. “John?! John come back to me!” He heard someone say, pulling him out of his mind. Suddenly he was aware he was on the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks and his head on Alexanders shoulder. Alexander broke into a soft smile when he saw John open his eyes, making a soft shushing noise as he rubbed his thumb over Johns cheek. John simply pressed his face into Alexanders shoulder, letting out a small sob as he held onto him with a death grip he rarely used. In this house, they all had problems. They all had a past they were running from and sometimes it caught up with them. John moved his hands away from Alexander, too scared that he would hurt him while having a panic attack and he moved out of his hold as well as he sobbed. He hung his head as he gripped his hair, his breathing quickened every second as he struggled to get enough air into his lungs while pulling at his hair. His thoughts were racing as fast as his heart, his mind filled with memories that he tried so hard to suppress for so long. ‘What if Alexander hates me now?’ ‘What if this is all just a game to him?’there was just an endless cacophony of ‘What if’ thoughts. He couldn’t hear anything over them. Then suddenly there was something pulling his hands away from his hair, gentle as not to hurt him but relentless in effort to get them away. Johns head shot up, his eyes wide as he started to fight back but when he met Alexanders worried eyes he couldn’t help but give up. Breaking down into another sob and then he couldn’t breathe, he tried. He was gasping for air and none was filling his lungs. Alexander was terrified by what he was seeing but he told himself to stay strong, after all John was strong for him and it’d be unfair if he didn’t return the favor. It was all happening so quick, one moment Alexander was holding onto him and the next he was pressed up against the wall with his head down and gripping his hair with a too tight grip. When he grabbed him, he resisted the urge to cry and back off when he saw John look up to him with such fear in his eyes, continuing to be relentless in his fight for his hands and finally he got them. He thought he finally got somewhere and then it all came crashing down again, he was sobbing and hyperventilating and oh god this was bad. “Hey hey…look at me…it’s going to be okay, you’re going to be okay. I need you to breathe with me...” he said softly, keeping his voice as gentle as possible. Keeping his eyes locked with Johns he breathed in deeply through his nose, holding it until John did so as well and after a few moments he let it out. John broke off into a sob as he let out his breath, immediately gasping again for breath. “Hey hey no, remember. Breathe with me...” Alexander repeated his actions, holding onto John's hands gently. He didn’t know how long they sat there breathing with each other and staring into each other’s eyes and he didn’t care because at that moment it was just them against the world. No longer was it John alone battling his panic attacks Alexander was there with him fighting it with him. John blinked slowly when he suddenly felt a wave of tiredness wash over him, the typical aftermath of a panic attack. It took a lot of energy out of you. For the first time since all this started John smiled softly at Alexander who in turn smiled back, John was slow as he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. Petting at Alexander's hair and occasionally running his fingers through it instead, “Thank you baby…no one’s ever done that for me before...” he said softly before yawning, fighting to keep his eyes open. Alexander smiled more and grabbed at Johns hand, kissing his palm before standing up. Groaning as he stretched for a few moments before reaching a hand out to John, he slowly pulled himself up and leaned down to kiss his forehead and then he was turning around and pushing the door open. Never once did John let go of his hand as he stumbled towards his bed, practically collapsing onto it with his head falling face first into the pillow. He heard Alexander giggle softly and he couldn’t help but smile, moving on his side to face him and shifting slightly so his back was pressed against the wall. John tugged on his hand so he’d also fall onto the bed with him, smiling more as he opted for wrapping his arms around him instead of simply holding his hand. “You’re so cute you know that?” he said gently, pressing his face against Alexanders neck. “If you say so, now get some sleep. I can go see if your friends are still here…” he replied, pressing a kiss to Johns curly hair. In response John tightened his grip on Alexander, holding him closer to his chest. “No…if they’re still here someone else can deal with them. I don’t want to be alone...” he mumbled, “But if you don’t want to stay t-that’s fine..” he immediately said after a moment of silence, pulling his head away from his neck and looking anywhere but Alexander. He was surprised when he heard him laugh softly, god what a beautiful sound that was, “No you idiot…” he said endearingly “I would love to stay here with you...” he smiled at him and John smiled back. Leaning forward and kissing him gently before shifting around to pull the covers over them both, it was a hassle that ended with both having to move around a lot and end up in weird positions to get it from under them. But it wasn’t a bad thing, they were laughing softly as they did so and once the covers were over them they were once again flushed against each other. Just as they should be.


End file.
